Never Your Fault

 

Warning, the article you are about to read might be a bit scary and might make you feel uncomfortable, but I think it’s important to talk about it. If I share this scary and unpleasant experience I had, I hope it can help anyone who’s dealt with this know that they’re not alone and as for those who haven’t dealt with this know what to do if heaven forbid, this should happen. Let’s begin

The world we live in is a nice place, but it can be scary too. There can be news of shootings, vehicle accidents, drunk drivers causing injuries or death, robberies, especially when one steals precious valuables (yes, they can be replaced but it still can hurt) and stress in the health system especially during a pandemic. One of the scariest things in the world, is something that doesn’t seem to be handled properly due to common misconceptions and that is sexual assault or inappropriate touching.

In the middle of June 2022, I was at one of my favourite thrift stores, I was looking at the VHS and DVD spot, then I found a Kung Fu Panda comic at the book, I was reading some of it and got a bit fangirly. Then a man saw me reading the book and I spoke about it. He asked about the movie while I decided to show a few moves I saw from the movie, (don’t worry, I was careful not to knock over anything) and he was impressed. He showed me a shirt he was going to buy and asked if it looked good and I said yes, I even spoke about my panda oodie, (I think I showed him a picture of me kicking ass in my oodie over my PJs)  and then he started commenting about my body, that was probably when I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. I tried to leave and put the book back, he said to me, “You’re not going to finish it?” I just said no and moved back to the VHS and DVD spot, then I felt a bit nervous from his words and I decided to go back to finish the comic book, though I did it rather quickly and he was still there. At one point he asked me to take my mask off, I didn’t want to since I was still trying to do my part since Covid was still a problem (and Hugh Jackman had caught it that week), but I reluctantly did briefly and while I explained I was wearing it due to the uncertainty of Covid, he just brushed it off. I put the book down, said goodbye to him and was about to leave but he told me to come back and he asked for my name, I answered and then he started getting flirty with me, he was touching my sides and then he got up to my breasts, I was not happy about that. I quickly broke away and said nervously but firmly, “Don’t touch me! Goodbye!” I quickly ran to where the clothes were and I left the store as fast as I could. I never saw him again after that.

This experience was scary no doubt, but there are couple of things I can take away from this and I hope you can too.

 

Firstly, you must listen to your feelings, if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. You should always trust your gut if something feels off, it can save you from a dangerous situation and protect your mental health. I felt uncomfortable when he started making comments about my body and asked rather passive aggressive questions, I wish I had trusted my feelings and got away from him and the store sooner I should be sure to remember that if this ever happens again.

Secondly there is one word, it’s a small one, it has two letters, yet it’s the hardest one to say, but it shouldn’t be and that word is no. It’s okay to say no, this is something I still struggle with, I tend to agree with things to avoid confrontation because I feel so worried about hurting other people’s feelings or being seen as rude, that I end up hurting myself and that’s not good at all, I don’t want any of you readers to go through that either. While it is important to think of others, it’s also sometimes very important to do what’s best for you, if you do a lot of things at the cost of your happiness and well-being, that’s a major red flag and very dangerous. I wish I had been more assertive when the creep asked me to take my mask off so he could see my face because I wasn’t comfortable doing so due to the uncertainty of this pandemic. Please if anyone ever tells you to do something you’re not comfortable doing, something that goes against your values or something that you know is wrong, please don’t hesitate to say no. If they get offended, upset or make a fuss, don’t let them change your mind, that’s their problem. Self love is important, don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Lastly, this is the most important one of them all, if you ever get sexually assaulted, hit on or touched inappropriately, it’s never your fault. The problem today is that people tend to blame the victims for the attacks, they say it was due to the clothes they were wearing because they revealed body parts like shirts that showed cleavage or really short skirts, people would also say it was because you said something cute which instigated the situation and people would also call them weak for not fighting back and that’s just disgusting! While it is important to be careful what you say and who to talk to and who to share things with, it’s never your fault, it’s always the fault of the person that does the assaults and attacks. Those people have no self-respect or decency and they feel that they have the right to be with someone just because they like them and are willing to treat them like objects, dolls and toys rather than people with feelings and boundaries, they have no respect for that and it’s just disgusting. They have no right to touch you if you feel uncomfortable, they have no right to hug, kiss, tickle or touch you if you’re not comfortable with it, even if that person is your family, it’s your body and yours only.

On a side note, if any of you readers are parents please teach your children about bodies and boundaries as early as possible. If you do that, not only will you teach them to respect other people’s bodies and boundaries but also that they have the right to say no and that their body is their body, nobody else’s, (of course it’s different when it comes to giving them a bath, changing their diapers, giving them healthy food even if they hate it or putting them to bed at a certain time, even if they don’t want to). That will also help them be more confident and stand up for what they believe in, and be able to say if they don’t want hugs, kisses, or tickles from anyone, including family members. Those folks might feel hurt, but kids should not be forced to do something they aren’t comfortable with to make people happy, if you raise them to feel this way, they’ll grow into people pleasers and fall victim to unhealthy relationships and that can be very dangerous to their well being. And also, kindly do not guilt trip your children into giving affection, that’s going to hurt them and stress them out, guilt tripping in media and reality is one of my biggest pet peeves, as a girl who has trouble saying no and is guilty of people pleasing, it makes me feel uncomfortable and stresses me out. Please teach your kids these lessons when they’re young, so they’ll learn to listen to their feelings and they’ll grow up into confident, assertive and grounded human beings.

 

Another way to teach kids about people you should watch out for, could be different movies. I know two animated movies that have villains that are not just evil but also creepy men, guys that are great examples of how to turn someone off and also how they contrast the right guys for the girls in the movies. What I’m going to discuss might make you a bit uncomfortable, but maybe they will not only relate to the story I told, but also if you dealt with someone like that too.

One creepy villain, is Gaston from Beauty And The Beast. At first we might think he’s just your stereotypical jock or popular dude. He’s an arrogant hunter, and everyone in the little town in France considers them the hero, and he’s total man candy for the ladies. However, there’s only one girl who isn’t attracted to him and that’s our heroine, Belle, she’s smart enough to know he’s not a good guy and tries to avoid him. Unfortunately for her, Gaston is attracted to her and he wants to marry her, but not because he loves her, but to make himself look better just because she’s beautiful. He doesn’t respect her as a person, he keeps getting into her space, takes her books from her and throws them in the mud, and whenever he tries to get her to do something with her, it’s always something he wants to do. It gets even worse when he tries to propose to her (while already preparing a wedding), he barges into her house, puts his stinky feet on her book, much to Belle’s disgust and when he tries to propose to her, he pins her against a door, which is just disgustingly creepy, thankfully, Belle not only rejects his proposal, but since she was pinned to the door, she was able to have him thrown in the mud with the pigs. Rather than accept it and move on, Gaston is determined to have Belle as his wife. He even goes so far as to blackmail her by putting her father in an insane asylum unless she marries him. Even that’s not enough to get Belle to accept and once she tells him that the Beast is her friend, Gaston notices she has feelings for the “monster” only for Belle to call him a monster. He decides to kill the beast so once again, he can be with Belle, when the Beast gives Gaston a chance to go away without trying to harm him (at first he was depressed because he missed Belle, but once he saw her he got back up), the jerk, stabbed him, but luckily, he fell to his doom, at least he won’t be giving them any more trouble. People who say that Belle should’ve been with Gaston need to rethink, this, why would she want to marry someone who disrespects her personal space and her property, uses her family to blackmail her, and treats you like an object and not a person with boundaries? I know I wouldn’t want that. Gaston is also a great contrast to the Beast. The Beast was not a nice guy at the start, he was transformed because he was a spoiled prince and had no love. At first, he was horrible to Belle, not allowing her to say goodbye to her father, ordering her to join her for dinner and frightened her away, but even then, he felt awful for his mistakes, and tried to save her from the wolves. People who say Belle has Stockholm Syndrome need to revisit the movie. Belle is a nice girl but she had her limits, not only did she not give into Gaston’s creepy demands, but she never gave into the Beast’s tantrums. While tending to his wounds, Belle called him out for his temper issues and thanked him for saving her life. Afterwards, the Beast becomes a better guy and treats Belle much better than Gaston. He gives her his library, knowing she loves to read, and shows that he respects her interests, he spends time with her, and is willing to take a bath and get groomed for her, he even lets her teach him how to behave. Near the climax, is when he does his first act of love to her, when Belle sees her father out in the cold, he let’s her go, he knows this means the spell won’t be broken, but he loves her enough to put her happiness over his own, that is something Gaston wouldn’t do. The story of course has a happy ending, with Gaston gone, and the Beast is dying, Belle confesses that she loves him. This breaks the spell and Belle and Prince Adam (that apparently is his real name) live happily ever after. The Beast is a great example of what to find in a special someone, Gaston is the total opposite. Before I get into the next one, I’d like to mention an anti-Gaston from Disney and that’s Prince Edward from Enchanted. He is a bit arrogant and full of himself like Gaston, but he does seem to be a great guy. There are two scenes that prove he’s an anti-Gaston. The first scene is when he finds out that his stepmother Queen Narissa was behind everything, he immediately calls her out for it, showing no fear and declares that once they get back to Andalasia, she will be stripped from the throne, showing what a good king he will be. The other scene is when he tries to kiss Giselle awake, he keeps trying but it doesn’t work, once he realizes Robert might be the one, he instantly tries to convince him to do it, and once Robert’s kiss does wake Giselle, Edward looks so happy to see that she’s alive, this shows that even though he realized he’s not the one for her, he’s willing to let her be with Robert if that will make her happy. That’s a true man. When you look for someone, find a beast, not a Gaston.

Another villain who is really creepy, is Hal/Titan from one of DreamWorks’ most underrated movies Megamind (which was my favourite DreamWorks movie, until Rise Of The Guardians came out). Hal Stewart, is an insecure camera man, who has the hots for Metro City’s reporter, Roxanne Ritchi. He makes creepy or weird comments towards her whenever he talks to her, and whenever he tries to ask her out he says creepy things like, having a party at his place with just the two of them and he even hired a wedding photographer, yikes! All those times, he doesn’t take a hint that Roxanne doesn’t want to do those things, making her feel extremely uncomfortable. He acts possessive towards her too, when Roxanne calls “Bernard” (who’s really Megamind in disguise) her partner, Hal say’s that he’s her partner and thought it was weird that she hugged Bernard instead of him. It gets worse, when Megamind accidentally gives him powers (he wanted to create a hero since he missed fighting with Metro Man) Hal thinks that this will be what will get Roxanne to be with him. Once he becomes, “Titan” his powers cause him to literally have his eye on her (his super vision makes him see what Roxanne is doing currently) and that night when Roxanne is about to go on a date with “Bernard,” Titan flies to her apartment, and then he kidnaps her and “rescues” her by throwing her and catching her, putting her life in danger and scaring her (the second time she fell, and Titan caught her, it was near the street, I’m surprised that didn’t cause an accident). If someone did that to me I wouldn’t want to be with them, and I don’t think I’d be on a plane for a long time. Then when he reveals to her that he’s actually Hal, she still rejects him, and he gets upset and doesn’t even catch her, when she’s about to fall, and leaves her in the tower, he also gets sad when he sees Roxanne with “Bernard” at a restaurant. This is what makes Hal decided to be a villain and destroy Metro City. When Roxanne tries to reason with him he claims that she never took the time to know him, when really he’s given her no reason to do so, and he was willing to kill her as revenge. Thankfully he failed every time, Megamind gave a great presentation to stop him and save Roxanne, and he defeated him and had him sent to jail, where he belongs. This is what can happen when a creep gets super powers. Megamind himself also shows to be a great contrast to Titan. He may have kidnapped Roxanne endless times and terrorized the city but he wasn’t really trying to hurt anyone. He just found the fights between him and Metro Man very fun and even when kidnapping Roxanne, he still treated her like a person, when she dumped him in the rain after she found out he was disguised as Bernard, instead of throwing a tantrum, he just let her go, showing he’s willing to respect her feelings and wishes. He only came back to her when he needed help to stop Titan, knowing how smart she is. Once he and Roxanne find out Metro Man is alive and he’s retired from being a super hero , at first Megamind doesn’t feel like he can stop Titan because he’s the bad guy, once he sees Roxanne on television after Titan kidnaps and traps her, she confesses that he needs to be a hero, and she needs him, showing that she has feelings for him and likes him. This motivates Megamind to save her and stop Titan once and for all. If it was Titan, he would’ve done the total opposite of saving her. That’s what makes him such a despicable villain but also a scary one, I can understand why some might feel so uncomfortable when he’s on screen. Find your Megamind and reject your Titans.

 

The encounter I had with the creep, was without a doubt, a scary and uncomfortable experience I had, and I don’t think I will ever go back to that store again, maybe one day but not for a long time, but I’m so thankful I’m okay, I feel proud that I stood up to him and I got away. Hopefully this story will help you remember, that you are not alone, always trust your feelings, don’t hesitate to say no, and don’t blame yourself for the attacks. If you can, call for help (I wish I had alerted the security guard, who wasn’t too far from us) and tell someone you trust about it. This is a problem that is still going on today, and nothing seems to be done about it. If we all follow these rules and guidelines, we can stop this from happening and the world will be a much safer place.

If anything like this happened to any of you, if you feel comfortable, feel free to share your story, hopefully we can put a stop to this kind of behavior and once again, make the world much happier and safer.