Inner Beauty

In honor of eating disorders week.

The world can be a nice place to live in, but there is a dark side to it. We live in a society that expects everyone to look perfect. People who have pimples, skin conditions, plus sized, don’t have fancy things like designer clothes, bags, fancy cars, don’t wear makeup or revealing clothing or anything like that, can feel self conscious about their appearances and can be seen as “poor” or “ugly” by those that do have or use the things I’ve mentioned. These cruel remarks can lead to people falling into depression and could get carried away in trying to fit in, that they could lose themselves or do serious damage to themselves. This is why we’re here today. I’m going to talk about the things that make a lot of us feel self conscious, hopefully we can all put a stop to them and let you readers know you’re beautiful in your own way.

 

Body Image

One of the most common issues when it comes to appearances is body images. People who are on the plus size can be called nasty names, like “fatty” or “whale,” it can especially hurt when family members could say that, especially parents. I know parents mean well, they want their child to be healthy, but they should really know that their words can hurt their children so badly, it can especially hurt when it comes from parents, people that their offspring look up to and are supposed to love them unconditionally, it could hurt them so much that they could run away, cause self harm, resent their parents, or cut them out of their lives, or maybe consider suicide. That’s why if you have children, don’t shame them, while you should encourage healthy habits, make sure you’re just focusing on health and less on weight, and show and tell them that no matter what their size is, you love them unconditionally. Besides, it’s not the look that matters, it’s who you are that’s more important.

One of my favourite TV shows tackled body image well, and that show is Full House and the episode is called, “Shape Up.”

In this episode, Kimmy is having a birthday party at a hotel, and it involves swimming at the pool, DJ feels self conscious about wearing a bathing suit around a bunch of people, because of how the models in beauty magazines look so pretty. So, she tries to lose weight, but ends up making unhealthy decisions. The only thing she eats are “water pops” (think of those juice pops you eat, except instead of freezing juice it’s water), she starves herself for 3 days and works out too hard at the gym, to the point where she nearly passes out. Afterwards, she lies about going to Kimmy’s for dinner, Stephanie, (who found out earlier about what DJ was doing) though she pinky swore not to say anything didn’t want her to get sick so she tells the adults about what was going on. Though the adults try to tell DJ to eat and warn her about how she could harm herself, DJ has an outburst and runs into her room. Danny goes to talk to her, she cries to him about how she hates her appearance because she doesn’t look like pretty models, he tells and reminds her why her friends like her, because she’s a nice person to them, that’s her personality and who she is, is more important than how she looks. This makes DJ feel better as she agrees to never go on anymore crash diets and take care of herself properly. This is such a nice moment and it’s something that I think is important to listen to, especially in today’s society. This is why I advise you to throw your beauty magazines in the trash, fire or paper shredder because they set unrealistic expectations on beauty and can lead to one making bad choices that can cause serious damage, like DJ did.

I remember seeing videos from YouTubers like Dhar Mann and Supermission, that can tackle body image issues, very effectively.

Videos

Supermission has contained a couple of videos that had a boyfriend controlling what his girlfriend eats when they go out to eat on the girlfriend’s birthday, not allowing them to eat the foods they like and eating the “fatty” foods themselves, the waitress tells the girl about how either they or their daughter had a boyfriend who treated them like that, and starved themselves to the point that they had become anemic or ended up in the hospital, they nearly died, and warned the girls not to go that route, helping them dump their boyfriends. Some also had mothers fat shaming their daughters, two had mothers going out to lunch with their daughters, the mothers make passive aggressive comments about their appearances, their choices of food, and even compare them to their friends who look thinner, which gets the daughters upset that they get up and leave the table to cool off, the waitresses talk to the mothers about how their mothers were like that and it hurt them so much that they stopped talking to their mothers, and warned them not to talk to their daughters like that otherwise, they could lose them forever, and the mothers apologize for their actions (I would forgive them but I wouldn’t want to see them personally). Another one had a mother body shaming her daughter who had given birth not too long ago, all she did was criticize her body, how she and her husband parent their baby and keeps hounding her to get back on track, even though the doctors told her not to exercise for a month so she can recover, eventually her husband calls her out for her words and talks about how scary it can be to give birth, since his mother died giving birth to him, getting her mother to realize her mistake (if that was me I would’ve cut her out of my life, she should know what it’s like, she’s a mother herself.) Hopefully these examples will help any of you readers who might be parents, to be careful what you say to your kids, because like I said earlier, it could hurt their self esteem or sever your relationship with them.

Dhar Mann tackled body image issues as well, one had a popular girl get her friend to starve herself so she can be skinny and fit into her prom dress and she makes fun of a plus sized girl, when the popular girl tries to get her friend to throw up the food she ate, the plus sized girl tries to warn her not to do that because she herself was self conscious about her body so she starved herself and made herself throw up every time she ate, and she ended up in the hospital, and she vowed to never do that again, while the popular girl laughs it off, karma bites her when the most popular boy asks the plus sized girl to prom rather than her, he even calls her ugly for her personality. Another one had a gymnast in college who’s coach keeps body shaming her, thinking that’s why she doesn’t have perfect scores, even compares her to one of her teammates, who does perfect landings. She does everything to make her lose weight from making her work out too hard, and not allow her to eat, she even threatens to cut her scholarship if she tries to quit. The gymnast starts to feel sick, until a coach from the opposing team goes to talk to her, she decides to have her join her team so she can help her feel better, because this coach puts the well being and health of her students over winning, from encouraging them to drink a lot of water and eat healthy. When the day of the gymnastics competition comes, the gymnast does really well, she does come in second place but her coach is very proud of her. Her former team wins first place but when the medal is presented to the star of the team, she briefly faints, and reveals that she hadn’t eaten at all, the coach threw her banana away before the competition. The judge disqualifies the team and the coach is reported and had to attend a hearing, she probably got fired. The gymnast checks on her former teammate and the former’s coach gives her a banana to eat and tell her that her health matters more than winning.

These videos do a great job showing how body image isn’t everything and your personality and health matters more. If you are looking to lose weight, then go for it, I just advise you to focus more on your health, eating healthy, getting plenty of exercise, getting enough rest, drinking a lot of water and other things like that, if you do that, you’ll get better results. If you focus too much on your weight, it could have severe consequences, you could starve yourself, develop eating disorders or ironically, over eat and that’s very dangerous. You should also be careful not to work out too hard because it can make your body too tired. I’m going to quote a Wiggles episode from their first TV series, in one episode Murray tried to build himself up in one whole day but Greg tried to warn him that it’s not a good idea, he tells him, “Exercise makes you feel good and gives you more energy but you can’t overdo it,” and he’s right. You can feel tired if you don’t exercise, but too much can really make you too tired and you could hurt yourself. So please promise to focus more on your health and less on your weight, you’ll feel much happier and healthier.

Plus, always remember that even if you’re big, you’re still beautiful and can do great. Think of that scene in School Of Rock when Dewey makes Tomika feel better about her image, or think of another Jack Black character like that, Po from the Kung Fu Panda movies! He had a plump body and was made fun of for it throughout most of his life, even by his heroes, but once he found the right motivation he was able to learn Kung Fu in his own way, stopped stress eating and became a true warrior by being and embracing his own true self, which helped Shifu and the Furious Five, especially Tigress, see that they were wrong about him and respect him better, and even when being a martial arts master, Po’s appearance and personality never changes, he’s still awesome!

Makeup

Another common pressure people, especially women face is wearing makeup, people can think that those that don’t wear makeup are ugly. I honestly have never been one for makeup, except for some Halloween costumes or face painting, I feel more comfortable in my own skin, and even if my relationship didn’t work out in the end (that’s a story for another time) my ex-boyfriend didn’t mind that I didn’t wear makeup, he already thought I was pretty. Some might question me for it, but I don’t give a rat’s butt because it’s who I am. One of my favourite bands, One Direction wrote a song called, “What Makes You Beautiful,” it talks a it about inner beauty, saying that makeup isn’t necessary and just being yourself is good enough, it may sound crazy coming from a boy band but it’s a great song, especially for girls, so they can know that being themselves is what really makes them beautiful, it’s so refreshing. Now, if you want to wear makeup, you are free to do so, just make sure you’re doing it because you want to, not because others want you to or think you’re ugly. I can give a great movie example of this type of thing.

In Cheaper By The Dozen 2, Sarah, the tomboy of the family has her first crush on a boy, but she doesn’t feel pretty enough and is too embarrassed to tell her mother or anyone about that, to the point where she ends up shoplifting makeup at a gift shop and gets caught. Her mother Kate knows something is up so she talks to her about it, when Sarah confesses that she doesn’t feel as pretty as her sisters, Kate let’s her know she is beautiful and that when she likes a boy, she should never be anyone but herself, and he likes her with or without makeup. She even let’s her know she can always come to her if she wants makeup so she won’t ever resort to stealing again. This makes Sarah feel better about herself when spending more time with her crush on Eliot and when he asks her out on a date, though she does dress a bit girly and wants makeup (to be fair, it’s for a date), this time she feels more comfortable asking her fashionista sister Lorraine (Lizzie Maguire herself) for help with her makeup and she’s grateful, sure if we’ve seen the movie we know it ends in disaster, because of their dads arguing and being disruptive during the movie, but it is such a sweet moment to see two sisters who are opposites. Such a nice touch for a family movie

Skin

Another common pressure society faces is having flawless skin. Sometimes, people would chastise others for having skin with pimples all over their face, or for having skin conditions like eczema. Sometimes even if you do skincare, you could still have pimples but even if your skin isn’t flawless you are beautiful. I will once again reference Dhar Mann for some examples. One video has a snobby teenage girl wanting to be a beauty influencer and another girl who has pimples on her face wants to be a beauty influencer because she wants to show that it’s your imperfections that make you beautiful. Naturally, the snobby girl and her friends don’t believe her, they make fun of her, telling her she should wash her face more. The girl tells them that she does but sometimes acne is something you can’t control, the girls laugh it off and humiliate her by pushing a slice of pizza on her face, filming it and putting it on TikTok, calling her Pizzaface. The joy is short lived when the snobby girl finds a pimple on her face and in the morning, wakes up to see she’s had a breakout, and is humiliated when a lot of kids make fun of her, including her friends, only the other future influencer consoles her and the two do videos together to show once again, your imperfections make you beautiful. There was another video where a girl with eczema joins a new school and a mean girl makes fun of her for her skin condition, and even posts it on TikTok, when the bully’s mother finds out, she’s not happy and tells her about how she too had eczema and was made fun of for it, leading to the bully realizing the error of her ways and she apologizes to the girl. These are great examples of why you shouldn’t make fun of others for their skin conditions, or pimples because it’s something beyond or you can’t always control. As long as you try to take care of your skin, you are beautiful, clear skin or not.

Designer/expensive items

Another common pressure people face is the clothes or accessories people own make them look cool or rich, it’s such a stupid perception because it goes along with the saying that money is everything. If I’m going to be perfectly honest, designer things are overrated, they’re too expensive, and people use them to make themselves look cool (at least for the most part) and sometimes people who gift others with designer things do it to make themselves look good and also to control and guilt the receiver into keeping it because of how expensive it was. Just because you own expensive things, it doesn’t make you better than others or that you can treat people like that. I personally enjoy shopping for clothes at Walmart or thrift stores, because they don’t cost very much and you can develop your own unique sense of style, you can stand out. Plus, they can be great to wear anytime or for certain events, like a pair of dress pants I wore at my mom’s funeral or a skirt that matches one of the shirts my mom got at one of our Disney trips. Stay tuned for an upcoming story about the joy of thrifting to hear more of this.

I once again will talk about Dhar Mann as an example of this type of problem. He has made a few videos that have had “rich” people making fun of “poor” people. Those folks get made fun of for eating free foods from the lunch cafeteria, taking public transit, buying clothes from the thrift store instead of designer stores like Gucci or Chanel, working hard, owning a “crappy” car or items. These videos can have a variety of results, some have the “poor” person running off crying, trying to fit in or compete with the rich person or sometimes standing up for themselves and talking back to them. Eventually karma comes back to the rich ones, from their parents taking away their riches, forcing them to get a job, living like the “poor”, losing the things they flaunted, like a rich mom (who used her daughter’s college fund on  a Porsche) getting her car repossessed, going broke or overhearing or listening to the person’s story and for the most part, it changes them, they realize some of their friends weren’t really their friends (they only liked or hung out with them because of how rich they were) and they make friends with the “poor” person. I like how Dhar Mann shows how there’s no shame in thrifting or shopping at Walmart, it can be a nice way to teach children and teens about money and how things don’t make you cool, it’s your personality that makes a difference.

To quote Dhar Mann, “so you see,” all those things I’ve talked about show exactly what is wrong with this world. Society and social media expect others to look pretty and have cool things to get ahead in life. It’s no wonder a lot of people lose faith in humanity or resort to suicide. Any of you who have less than perfect bodies, skin or own “cheap” things, I want you to know that you’re fine just the way you are. Thrifting shows you saving money, not wearing makeup shows you love yourself, and having a less than perfect body shows that you’re beautiful in your own way. Please do not try to follow the crowd, it could take you nowhere and the only thing you’ll succeed in doing is losing or hurting yourself, plus even if you change, the people that mistreated you before probably still will find something to make fun of you for. Stay true to you and when you do, you’ll know who really are your friends and who you can depend on, and that will ensure you live a happy life.

Now, if you do want to do these things, like losing weight or wearing makeup, you can do just that, just make sure you’re doing it because you want to, not because your peers want you to. Do it for you and nobody else, ever!!

Before I go, I want to give a shoutout to Dhar Mann, regardless of the controversy, I do praise his videos, they have tackled some of the topics I’ve been talking about here and had succeeded in making viewers feel better about themselves, maybe his videos were one of the things that inspired me to do this blog and hopefully make a difference for others. The summaries of the videos I talked about are just some, there’s a lot more, if you want to know more about them, then go see his videos, they can be life changing. Continue to do great Dhar, although I do hope you treat your actors well, and learn from your controversies.

I’d also like to end with two quotes to remind you everything we learnt today

 

“Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those that mind, don’t matter, and those that matter, don’t mind.” Dr Seuss

“You, don’t need everyone to love you, just a few good people,” Charity Barnum (The Greatest Showman)